Recently I called a friend of mine who's in her seventies and has been married for over fifty years. When she picked up the phone and I heard her voice, I knew something was wrong.

"Lois, you sound terrible. What happened?" I asked.

"It's Herbert," she answered.

"Oh my God, is he sick?"

"No, he's not sick," she replied in an exasperated voice. "Well, then what's wrong?"

"He left the house to do errands and didn't even bother to say good-bye!"

As I listened compassionately to Lois vent her feelings about this for a while, one thought kept going through my head: It doesn't matter what age we are, the issues women have with men are the same! I knew just how Lois felt. I'd had the same experience hundreds of times myself, as most women have, whether it was a man not saying hello or good-bye properly, or not wishing us a sweet good morning or a loving good night. It was the feeling that he was taking me and the relationship for granted.

Men, I want you to know that this topic was one of the most commented upon in the questionnaires I received from women. In almost every response, women wrote about how much it meant to them when men paid attention to these daily cycles, and how much it hurt and disappointed them when men treated these moments as unimportant.

Remember the story earlier in this book describing the woman whose husband was out of town and didn't call her to say good night or good morning? I've shared that story with men, and almost all of them respond with statements like:

"I don't see what the big deal was. He called her eventually, right?"

"Sounds like that guy has a ball and chain wrapped around his leg."

"What difference does it make if he called her first thing in the morning or later that afternoon? I don't understand."

Women who have read that story begged me to make sure I explained, because it illustrates something fundamental about women that we really want men to understand.

What Women Want Men to Know:

Women are in tune with the sanctity of each day and like to honor its transitions and cycles. This is why hellos and good-byes are so important to us.

As timekeepers, and as the celebrators of cycles, women are highly conscious of the transitions and shifts that occur during each day. This is why we make such a big deal out of hellos and good-byes and good mornings and good nights. When we focus on these moments, it is not about wanting affection or needing reassurance—it is about honoring the day we began together with our man, and honoring our presence in each other's lives.

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Women’s health